Finding a deer in the woods

 I think many of the students were trying to get a grip on cancer just as I was trying to take a picture of a deer that was less than 3 yards away from me with my little girl’s digital camera.  I use this symbolic picture to portray how difficult it is for a student of medicine to understand how it feels to be in my shoes. Just as I was trying to understand the deer in my side yard.

I hope gave light on topics of quality of life, anger, scared out of my wits the first time I heard the C-word. How does one manage knowing that I have not won this battle against cancer. That I watch others go back to work, and try /start to re-build normal life’s.  I slowly (thank God)  slowly rot away day in and day out. No Scan brings good news just how much further the cancer has infiltrated my bones and praise God that it has not jumped to any of my organs so far. I am aware that I will never be saved/healed. I am terminal, I accept this fate. I just want to live and function as good as possible for my child. Not saying every moment , I am tired, and I can’t do it to my loving caring 3 year old who says she will take good care of me. I shed a tear and thought of the song Butterfly kisses after bed time prayers with little white flowers all up in her hair.

3 Responses to Finding a deer in the woods

  1. bcjenster says:

    Cancervisa – I can’t begin to understand what it’s like for you. I am so sorry this is your lot, but I’m grateful for your openness in sharing it.

  2. jillaldrich says:

    Such a tender post. I’ve been thinking about it since you posted. I think we sometimes are afraid of giving the wrong response. But I’m just going to say it anyway: It hurts my heart to read of your suffering. It scares me, too. But the fact that we’re all here offering each other friendship, understanding and support is just plain lovely. Thank you for this.

  3. cancervisa says:

    ps. the anteliers are under the left corner of the window. For all the where’s waldo fans.

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