I get my port out today. I’m not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, it means my very cautious oncologist is pretty darn sure I’m not going to need more chemo. (Yay!) On the other hand, I read people’s posts in my treatment group over at YSC and they wait weeks, months, even up to a year before it’s taken out. I alternately feel very lucky or very reckless. I’m only two weeks out of chemo. Granted it was kick a**dose dense chemo with Avastin, but still I’m not very far out. I still have radiation and years of Tamoxifen to look forward to, so it’s not like I won’t still be “fighting” cancer. I guess I’m just getting a taste of that helplessness that many survivors talk about post treatment. When you’re infused with toxic drugs every week, you feel like you are doing something proactive. When you’re not, it’s easy to think “I’m giving it a chance to grow back.” Ugh. I think I hate what cancer has done to my mind most of all.