From Merriam-Webster Online:
re·cu·per·ate Listen to the pronunciation of recuperate
Latin recuperatus, past participle of recuperare — more at recover
transitive verb1: to get back : regain2: to bring back into use or currency : revive intransitive verb: to regain a former state or condition; especially : to recover health or strength
— re·cu·per·a·tion Listen to the pronunciation of recuperation \-ˌkü-pə-ˈrā-shən, -ˌkyü-\ noun
It’s been one full week since my surgery — my modified radical mastectomy (single breast) — and this is what I’m doing. I’m recuperating. More the “to get back, regain” and “to regain a former state or condition; especially : to recover health or strength.” I’m really not sure about that “bring back into use or currency” definition. I’m not that desperate for money, people!! Besides, a whore with one boob; I just don’t think there’s much of a market for that, ifyouknowwhatImean! Heh. I amuse myself so. 😉
Anyways, I digress. Sorry, my bad. Yes, I’m recuperating. Trying to get back, regain my former condition. Well, almost all of my former condition. OK, ok, I’ll try to quit harping on the loss of that silly thing, cancer-riddled (Not SO cancer-riddled, but it did have cancer in it) that it was. Just as well that it’s not there. I keep digressing; see how I am?
Let’s start over. I’m recuperating. Recuperation isn’t something that comes easy to me. Lie in bed, read, watch TV, watch movies. I know I can’t do much more because if I try to do much more I just get tired. I sleep. I want to do more than the above-mentioned but as a member of my cancer support group who so kindly stopped by this morning and brought delicious food told me:
You have to take the full four weeks off of work, because you know what will happen if you don’t? You’ll go back to work and within a few hours, you’ll feel like you’re dying. Just rest even if it’s hard for you to do that.
Rest. Recuperate. And I think: Boring.
OK, I can make this less boring, somehow. I can read outside. Forget about how chemo patients shouldn’t get much sun; there are such things as sunscreen. And hats. And shirts with long sleeves.
Rest. Recuperate. Try to sleep. Try to do the things that life is always too busy for, like sleeping. Taking naps. Reading. Watching DVDs. Catch up on writing thank-you notes.
Is there such a thing as healing when you have Stage 4 cancer?
I’m healing from the mastectomy, but the dark thoughts, yes, they come back from time to time. Recuperation is a double-edged sword. I need the rest, I need the time, but I also have too much time on my hands. And I think that while some people really may be able to put cancer behind them some days, I wonder if I ever can. Will there ever be a day when I don’t think about the fact that I have cancer?
That’s my prayer.
Cross-posted to Just Enjoy Him.