Ups and Downs

(originally posted here)
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“So, kiddo, how are you doing?” asked my oncologist, as he opened my files (the one on his desk and the one on his computer).
 
“Well,” I began, “my mood has been swinging up and down….”
 
He stopped.
 
“You get depressed?” he asked, with a puzzled look.
 
“Yeah, she does,” confirmed my husband.
 
“’cause I don’t see it…” continued my oncologist.
 
Even in the chemo ward, my mood is usually upbeat — probably because every week a different friend comes to hang out and I just enjoy the company so much!
 
“What are you feeling?” he asked, looking at me seriously.
 
“I’m having a hard time with the “long term” thing,” I explained (not for the first time).  “I just wish I could look forward to a time when it will be over.”
 
“Do you want to see someone?” he asked (also not for the first time).
 
The thing is, I am not clinically depressed.  I get out of bed in the morning.  I am active.  I have a strong support network: family, friends, my support group, and my blog.
 
What more would I get from therapy?  I asked.  There is no clinical indication that I need a psychologist.  It all depends on how I feel. 
 
Overall, I feel I am handling things pretty well.  Both my husband and my oncologist agree.
 
But I still have mood swings.  I still wish it would all just go away.
 
Someone once told me that all the cancer stuff would eventually fade into the background, like white noise from the radio. 
 
I hope that is true.
 
Meanwhile, I hear the radio blaring and I really wish someone would change the channel.
 
 
With love and optimism,
RivkA
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5 Responses to Ups and Downs

  1. I think therapy is a good thing. Once you find a good therapist – which can be tricky you will know when you need a visit. You may to go more at certain times and then can space it out a bit. My anxiety usually tells me it is time to schedule an appointment.

  2. cancervisa says:

    Get the shrink, Mine has saved me from some pit falls I was about to step in, not knowing I was headed down a emotional path. Nothing to be embarrised to have some one professional to call when a melt down is happening.

  3. bcjenster says:

    I think having cancer alters our way of thinking. I’m still a happy, upbeat person, but I’ve become a bit more cynical of life in general. Bad things really can happen – if that makes any sense.

    I agree that there’s nothing embarrassing or bad at all about seeing a therapist. I haven’t been to one, but it sure couldn’t hurt.

  4. Sarah S. says:

    I agree see a therapist. It will not hurt the situation. Do you take meds for depression? I do but it is for anxeity. I was already taking them when I was diagnosed. I think it really got me through some of the rough stuff and have helped with my upbeat attitude.

  5. no meds.

    I do try and attend a laughter workshop once a month!

    That helps a lot!!

    🙂

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