Ups and Downs

(originally posted here)
“So, kiddo, how are you doing?” asked my oncologist, as he opened my files (the one on his desk and the one on his computer).
“Well,” I began, “my mood has been swinging up and down….”
He stopped.
“You get depressed?” he asked, with a puzzled look.
“Yeah, she does,” confirmed my husband.
“’cause I don’t see it…” continued my oncologist.
Even in the chemo ward, my mood is usually upbeat — probably because every week a different friend comes to hang out and I just enjoy the company so much!
“What are you feeling?” he asked, looking at me seriously.
“I’m having a hard time with the “long term” thing,” I explained (not for the first time).  “I just wish I could look forward to a time when it will be over.”
“Do you want to see someone?” he asked (also not for the first time).
The thing is, I am not clinically depressed.  I get out of bed in the morning.  I am active.  I have a strong support network: family, friends, my support group, and my blog.
What more would I get from therapy?  I asked.  There is no clinical indication that I need a psychologist.  It all depends on how I feel. 
Overall, I feel I am handling things pretty well.  Both my husband and my oncologist agree.
But I still have mood swings.  I still wish it would all just go away.
Someone once told me that all the cancer stuff would eventually fade into the background, like white noise from the radio. 
I hope that is true.
Meanwhile, I hear the radio blaring and I really wish someone would change the channel.
With love and optimism,

5 Responses to Ups and Downs

  1. I think therapy is a good thing. Once you find a good therapist – which can be tricky you will know when you need a visit. You may to go more at certain times and then can space it out a bit. My anxiety usually tells me it is time to schedule an appointment.

  2. cancervisa says:

    Get the shrink, Mine has saved me from some pit falls I was about to step in, not knowing I was headed down a emotional path. Nothing to be embarrised to have some one professional to call when a melt down is happening.

  3. bcjenster says:

    I think having cancer alters our way of thinking. I’m still a happy, upbeat person, but I’ve become a bit more cynical of life in general. Bad things really can happen – if that makes any sense.

    I agree that there’s nothing embarrassing or bad at all about seeing a therapist. I haven’t been to one, but it sure couldn’t hurt.

  4. Sarah S. says:

    I agree see a therapist. It will not hurt the situation. Do you take meds for depression? I do but it is for anxeity. I was already taking them when I was diagnosed. I think it really got me through some of the rough stuff and have helped with my upbeat attitude.

  5. no meds.

    I do try and attend a laughter workshop once a month!

    That helps a lot!!


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