It’s Been A While…

Hello all, I know this is a bit of a surprise, me doing a post after so very long and I realize I am being very presumptuous in thinking I am still allowed to post here at all but I did see that my picture and my name are still on the site so I took that as permission for now.  Thank you if you haven’t decided to get rid of me and if you have well then this post can be deleted I guess.

Anyway, here I am, wondering what on earth to talk about, I guess I will discuss what is on my mind lately and that is pain! The battle I have had with ‘cancer pain’ is just incredible. Early on in this disease, I was informed that no-one need suffer pain in this day and age. That no-one suffering cancer would have to put up with pain for long. Well, let me just tell you that that is a load of absolute….you know what! I have been battling acute and chronic pain for years now.  I have had a break here and there during those years, however, for the most part I have suffered relentlessly. I have nerve pain, the main tumour, which is in my pelvis, is touching the nerves in my lower spine. When it first started hurting it was horrible, but, I had hope. I had hope and that hope was founded on so called facts. Facts I had been fed by the medical profession. Huh, ‘facts’ my behind (literally lol). They had told me that I would not have to suffer pain and here I am two years later and still suffering agonizing pain. It is so bad I can only compare it to childbirth but without the reward at the end and without the breaks in between contractions. So bad, that I have been reduced to a sobbing mess writhing around on the kitchen floor. So bad that one time when my nurse was present, seeing me suffer like that reduced her to tears. So why was I allowed to continue on in this amount of pain? Well because it is nerve pain! Nerve pain is a different kettle of fish. Well, of course, when they told me no-one should have to suffer pain they didn’t actually mean nerve pain, oh no, that is terribly tricky to fix. The main way to ‘fix’ nerve pain is to use so many drugs and such strong drugs as to render you almost unconscious and even then, when the room is swirling and you think you are Nicole Kidman chatting at an afternoon tea with Brad Pitt, you can still feel, way down deep……..nerve pain. Admittedly it is a lot less violent but still there nevertheless. Now, yes, the pain is much more bearable but do I want to spend the rest of my days semi conscious thinking I’m Nicole Kidman (well that may not be all bad) but come on, I have a child living with me, I cannot function when I am off my nut on ketamine and methadone and pregabalin and I could go on and on but you get the point. Not only do I need all these medications, they are extremely difficult for me to get.  I have to pretty much jump through hoops to get my hands on both methadone and ketamine. I have to get the ketamine an hour away and I have been going through it so quickly that it is ridiculous the amount they give me in the first place. Same with the methadone, that is not an hour away but it has to be registered and oh, all sorts of crazy things before I can get my hands on it. I have to have a certain amount within a certain amount of days and if I need more woe betide me! That throws everybody into a spin. The problem is, the pain doesn’t just co-operate nicely into time frames for me, of course sometimes it is worse than others and sometimes it comes on more often than others and then I need different amounts of medication, honestly you would think I’d asked for a small country to be given to me. What a carry on! So this has gone on for quite some time now and I am coming to the end of my tether. All these drugs aren’t working well enough and all the hoops I have to jump through to get them is simply not worth it anymore. However, I have to have something done about the pain. I am seriously considering marijuana. I haven’t resorted to that yet but I feel the medical industry is letting me down and I have read of other people with cancer pain taking marijuana and having good results from it. I don’t want to feel strange or anything, I just want the pain to stop and I am getting desperate. I am probably being over cautious and should have turned to it months ago but I just felt weird taking what I have always known as a recreational drug, as a medicine. Guess what ketamine is worth though as a recreational drug… heaps! So, I don’t know, I will have one more appointment with my Pain Doctor and I’m actually going to run it by him and see what his reaction is and maybe, just maybe, I will give it a go – I’ll be sure to let you know the results if I do. What do you all think about using marijuana for cancer pain? Let me know in the comment section if you have time, I’d be very interested in your opinions. Take Care.