I have gotten my epo shot and I’m flying like a kite, did all the bills, paid all the help and even delved into the taxes, if you can believe. But it was not long before the bad news came our way at 10 am.
My mother in law has passed away in her sleep. Turning our world upside down. I have no time to focus on me there are people to call, arrangements to be made.
But I still ponder how I am going to get through this, death is a little to close to home when you have white blood cell counts that make an aids patient look healthy. At first I say, I can not take the risk, and then I compromise be saying that I will not be in the receiving line for condolences. I will also wear black gloves to stop any kind of contact.
Do you think I should get a doctors note forbiding me to go to the funeral?
You might need that note. Seriously, I don’t know about where you are, but here in Colorado the flu is going around like crazy and it doesn’t sound like you should take chances. I’m sure your family will understand and honor your choice.
Love, Lorri S.
I am sorry for your loss….My mother was in a nursing home while I was in chemo so I stayed away. She died in August and I had finished the AC and Taxol in July. I still feel very sad that I missed a lot of her last year because of my treatments but I also realize how risky it would have been to subject myself to the germs.
On the other hand I ended up at my daughters school on a few Curriculum nights when my WBC counts were dangerously low…but nothing happened.
I would stay out of the general ‘funural crowd’ if I were you. Maybe you can say your goodbyes privately before the guests arrive. I am sure your mother-in-law would understand…it’s too risky for you.
I am so sorry. Most funeral homes have a private seating room for families to view the service away from prying eyes. That might be a good place for you to sit. Often larger churches have a similar room for mothers with infants.
My heart goes out to your family. At times it can seem that a black cloud is just hovering over our heads…
My deepest sympathies on your loss.
I suggest you consult with your oncologist, who might have practical suggestions for you. Certainly, there are other cancer patients who have faced similar dilemmas.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
RivkA’s idea is really smart. Call your oncologist. Then do what you need to do. And I think you’re right not to shake hands with strangers — it’s just not worth it.
I hope you can say goodbye in your own way, maybe before things begin.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My sincere sympathy. 😦
This is your mother-in-law, correct? Not your mother? I wouldn’t see why any of this would fall into your lap… it’s your husband’s mother. When you think about it, who will the visitors really be there to see? Probably your mother-in-law’s immediate birth family. The fact that you might be absent will perhaps cause some people to question it, but when it is explained, people will undoubtedly nod their head in understanding and move along.
I have been married for almost 33 years so my mother-in-law has been my “mom” for that long. And if she passed away tomorrow, I know people would be coming to her funeral not to see me but to give their condolences basically to my husband, his 3 brothers, and my mother-in-law’s sisters. People would give me their sympathy too but I wouldn’t really be the focus.
So, if you are worried &/or your doctors are worried, I vote for you staying home and having a private, prayerful, life-honoring ceremony of your own, for your mother-in-law. She’ll see it and she’ll smile. And the funeral at the funeral home will go off without a hitch.