An update

I posted on New Year’s Eve that they found a lump in my chest, and my worries associated with it.  Well I did end up having surgery last week – another surgery, I am sincerely sick of being cut- and I’m relieved to share that it was benign.  It was just fibrous tissue growing.  They didn’t think it was cancer going in but had to check.  I was relieved, but only slightly.  I am resigning myself to the fact that this is my life now.  I am now in the elite group that gets to say things like ‘oh this is just a little surgery’.  That’s what my oncologist said the week before when I expressed anxiety over it.  I suppose compared to the double mastectomy and hysterectomy I had, yes, it was just a little surgery.  I thought I would be happier when the surgeon called to tell me the good news, that it was not cancer brewing its ugly head again.  I was happy, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was just lucky to get a pass.  I couldn’t help but feel like, I’m Ok – for now.  I promise I’m not negative about my situation at all, I do feel very lucky most of the time.  I guess I’m only sharing my fears, how I really feel about it.  My 1 year diagnosis anniversary is in April, maybe as time goes on I will not feel as on guard as I do.  But – for now- I appear to be cancer free, and that is indeed something to celebrate.

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3 Responses to An update

  1. imstell says:

    Isn’t it always a “for now”. I’m so glad everything came out clean, though. We know too well that it isn’t always so.

  2. Lynn, I had my 2nd year diagnosis anniversary in December and I still have 2 more surgeries this month. I know how you feel –enough cutting already! But I also had a hard time adjusting to the feeling of “waiting” for the cancer to come back, constantly worried about this ache and that pain…but I can tell you (as others told me at the time) it does fade a little. I can’t say it will go away completely, but I can start to feel it recede with each passing year–now the fear is less like a sibling and more like a second cousin–it’s there but I am not in contact with it on a daily basis. Best of luck to you and here’s to no more surgeries!

  3. Indeed it is a cause for celebration! Many women experience fears after treatment–you are not alone!

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