The Chemo Has Started

By Sarah

I started my chemo on Friday. I feel a little bit ahead of the game considering It’s my second time.  The two drugs I am taking are not as hard on my stomach and Other then being fatigued I feel pretty good considering. It was not so easy to get my chemo in my new port though. It only had four days to heal. The first night I slept great  but last night I tossed and turned all night long. My body ached and I could not turn my mind off. As I layed in bed yesterday I had a bit of a melt down. I guess I had been holding it in for so long that I just had to let it all out.

This friday in my chemo I am only getting one of the two drugs that I am being treated with so I am expecting to feel much better next weekend.  The good news is that my hair will thin but not fall out. 🙂

My mind is still reeling about my cancer coming back and the blame game has stared in my head. I keep wondering why I didn’t realize cancer had returned to my body. I like to think that I am aware about my body and how I feel. Sometime cancer just sneaks up on us and bits us when we are not watching.

I have received so much support from you ladies and it is very very appreciated!

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8 Responses to The Chemo Has Started

  1. Darryle says:

    I truly hope you can stop playing the blame game. Cancer is hard enough — no matter how well you know your body, there is no way to feel it sneaking up on you most of the time—that’s just one of the insidious aspects of this insidious disease. Also that it infiltrates your mind as well as your body.
    Hope you will be able to let go of the blame and believe the truth–you are strong and doing the best you can.

  2. Stella says:

    I remember the breakdowns like they were yesterday. Waiting until the kids were asleep, and Mike & I in bed with the lights out before the reality and fear I’d held off all day came crashing home.

    I once asked my oncologist if I’d know when my cancer returned. She said every patient she’d ever had recur had never been surprised. At the time I figured she was confirming that I’d know. Now, I’m thinking she was just stating fact; cancer patients live in a constant state of waiting for the other shoe to drop so are not truly surprised when it does.

    Big hugs to you, Sarah.

  3. Hugs to you Sarah. I don’t know how long you have to be on Chemo this time but I hope and pray it is swift and effective, and knocks this cancer out of the park..

  4. Sarah- You are soooo allowed to have that melt down! It’s part of dealing with it all. Mine lasted for several weeks, while the shock set in. Then I got down to business. Give yourself some time. My prayers are with you Sarah in all of this…even the sleepless nights. Hang in there girl and keep those fighting boots on! One day at a time! Love, Heidi Zeigler

  5. k8 says:

    Hang tough – the breakdowns will strengthen you in the long run. Trying to keep it all together will weaken you….we are warriors……kick it…

    k8

  6. Liane says:

    Hang in there Sarah. I hope it all passes by for you quickly. I know that the mental pain is sometimes harder than the physical. Well said Stella. My moments were always when I was alone in the car with my hubby and he was driving. I think I had to protect my girls from my pain and so this was the only place that felt safe. My heart goes out to you girl.

  7. Lyn says:

    Just wanted to send my support and love Sarah. Big hugs to you.

  8. Jill says:

    Hey Sarah,

    I am pulling for you girl. Know that we’re all out here sending you love and understanding.

    xo

    Jill

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