I’ve made a decision about my hair. Alright, I made it a long time ago, but I’m just now coming clean with you. The day Jeremy shaved my head was the day I knew, when and if it came back, I would grow it forever, and I mean forever. I’m working on a two-year bob right now. I’m a secret wanna be Crystal Gayle. Not the “I never trim the ends” wanna be, but the ridiculously, past my hipperoo’s, wanna be. When I’m thinking with a clear head, which is very rarely these days, and I look at a picture of Crystal with her uber long hair I think “who in heaven’s name told her that looks good?” It has to be some really warped reason I’m sure…..like maybe she was one of those kids that didn’t grow hair till they were 10 and she vowed when it came in she would never cut it. Or maybe they couldn’t afford bath towels when she was growing up so her hair was an easy remedy to a perplexing problem. I dunno.
But somewhere in my warped post-chemo, “I can’t escape cancer” brain of mine, I think.
a. I really want hair. I missed it so much when it was gone I want it and I want LOTS of it. I want to feel it on my shoulders, tie it in knots like lady gaga, and let my girls learn to french braid on it.
b. If I were being totally honest, I’m probably waiting for the day they tell me I need chemo again… but THIS time I will be ready. It’ll be so long I’ll be able to make my own wig, or maybe glue it back on my head if a wig costs too much. I’ll be the ultimate comb-over, but I don’t care because it will be MY HAIR! Let me say it again because it sounds so good to type it…..MY HAIR. I even like to type MY EYEBROWS, but that’s a whole nother post about someone with a wicked uni-brow and I’m not going to take it that far. (At least I don’t think I will. Oh that’s right, my eyebrows don’t meet in the middle, so scratch that idea.)
c. And the final reason is because when you’ve lost 2 items of “sexy” as a woman, the hair is a logical place to turn. Especially when 2 items of sexy will never really return, they can try for you but they will ultimately never ever return…..and we’re not talking “complaining after nursing they won’t return,” we’re talking never again will you feel. anything. period. return. But the hair most likely will return, and this is good.
And so Crystal Gayle, tonight I’m not raising a glass of wine to you (although you might think I’ve been drinking with my ludicrous ramblings) because that might mess with my hormones and I don’t want cancer to come back, but I do have my feet up with a bowl of popcorn and a diet pepsi, and so here’s to you and your hair.
I love hair.
classic! I so relate! Great post – and here’s to hair!
You are so right about hair being part of our “sexy” feelings after cancer. Are you aware that there are a group of women who are experiencing permenant hair loss after chemo? It’s scary – I know.
I hope you will forgive me if I sound like a broken record… I hope posted comments on the issue of hair loss here several times. I am just hoping to reach anyone out there whose hair has not fully returned after chemo. It is a devestating side effect and we have formed a support group and web site for those who have been affected in this way. You can visit us at: http://www.aheadofourtime.org
Good luck with your hair growth!! I hope it covers your backside sooner than soon.
I used to keep my hair short and my husband can’t figure out why I’m not cutting it now. But you know – you said it well.
Jojo – I’ve met a couple of women with permanent alopecia and it makes me stop complaining (for a short while) about how slowly my hair is regrowing or how my brows and lashes are still sparse and blond instead of dark brown.
Valerie, If you know those women personally, please share our website with them. It helps to have support from others who are experiencing the same problem. Plus – we are trying to gather data about people with this side effect so we can share it with doctors and hopefully prevent it from happening to more women.