I know I am not much of a blogger these days. I even took my personal blog down while I work on a different one, but I am not finding the desire to work on it. I kind of put myself out there to the world, cancer and personal warts and all, and am going through a phase of privacy. I still want to share and support others, but I find that I have this deep need to be ‘normal’ for a short while. I’ve been focusing on things like playdates and moms nights out, and going back to school for a different degree, etc. I felt guilty for not keeping up with my cancer pals like I should, and then I remembered that no matter what, I will always belong to this community. If we all lived in the same neighborhood, I guess my role would just change from a weekly meeting to dropping off food a couple times a month.
For an update, I’m 2.5 years out from my IBC diagnosis. I had a double latissimus breast reconstruction in July and I had my last expansion last Monday. The next step is healing and letting the radiated skin continue to change and heal, then we will do a fat injection. Though I’m not a fan of surgery by now, I’m kind of looking forward to the removal of fat from my stomach and putting it in my boob. Then it will be another 6 months after that I hear, when we will attempt the implant exchange. I’m fine with taking the time to make sure it’s done as best as it can be. I can see the visual changes in the tissue on my left side change weekly, and hopefully by the time the implants are in it will be supple enough to pass for a breast. The good news is that I’m no longer calling it a ‘frankenboob’ which my plastic surgeon appreciates. I’m taking pictures along the way and will publish a photo show at the end of it all.
My oncologist left the practice a while ago, and I finally met with a new one last week. We’ll see how it goes, I know I don’t have to explain to you all how it is meeting a new doctor unfamiliar with you much less wondering if they are familiar with your disease. Other than that, I’m good. I find myself relieved the older my children get, my 6 year old son is in first grade and my daughter will be 5 on Valentines day. Now that there is a small hope they will remember me if I die tomorrow, I relax a little. Anyone play bunco? I played that for the first time last month and it was fun! See, that’s the type of thinking my brain goes to these days, I think I am serioused out. the death of my mom from cancer followed by my own diagnosis a year later at age 30 followed by my marriage falling apart, I think I’m done. I want to spout something wise, but I end up thinking ‘hey let’s make cookies and watch a good movie’ instead lol. It’s a phase I know, but as someone who’s gone through a LOT of phases, I can’t say it’s any better or worse than a cancer focused one, it’s just different. I wish you all lived closer so we could have a huge cancer warriors only bunco night complete with cookie exchange! Then I could combine it all and feel somewhat normal again:)