This has been a tough few years for us at Mothers With Cancer. I think every death hits us harder and we can’t get out of the slump. At least I can’t. I find myself driving my kids around and just shedding tears, trying to hide them from my children because Lord knows they’ve seen their mom cry way too much. Even if they were small enough to not remember going through treatment, they know all too well the emotional pain it’s taken on me. It’s another thing to worry about.
I’m still coming to grips with Nicole’s passing. I’m not really sure how we found each other but I’m pretty sure it was through Susan’s blog. Nicole had been diagnosed just before me and we started commenting on each others blog. Supporting, kind words, encouraging words. Then we blogged together on MWC. Then we were Facebook and twitter friends, although we both lacked the incentive to tweet much. She was my first twitter friend. Then we were featured in an article together here
In May we had a discussion about how hard it is to watch our friends die of cancer. How when we started MWC it didn’t really occur to us the toll it would take on us to watch our friends die of this horrible disease. To know these precious moms would have to say goodbye to their children.
I can’t believe I’m here 6 months later and Nicole is gone. Her sweet children lost their mom way to early. And we at MWC are grieving the loss yet again of one of our own. Nicole was a special person and a support to so many of us. She introduced me to boob humor often laughing at her lopsidedness and nicknames for them. I’m forgetting now some of the terms she used but maybe my MWC friends could help me out. I just remember having a good laugh at her descriptions and silly stories of the pain of prosthetics.
I will deeply miss you Nicole, even though we never met in person. There will be a huge void in my life from losing you, Sarah and Susan. When your faces pop up on my Facebook or when I’m driving somewhere or something reminds me of you…like the knitters at Panera. And the most I can do is pray for the family you left behind and that Jesus will hold them close.
Nicole
November 28, 2012Help Me Make A Change
May 2, 2012One thing I decided not to blog about during cancer was the stress of finances while going through cancer. It felt too much like airing my dirty laundry. But it was a huge stress for me during and after cancer. It’s still stressful. The reason it was so stressful is:
a. The medical bills are quite large with cancer…..even if you do have insurance. We have met our deductible every year since cancer.
b. I wasn’t planning on getting cancer in my 30′s with three small children, house payment, car payment and the dreaded student loans.
It was the student loans that gave me the biggest anxiety. Only months in to my treatment between barfing in a toilet because of chemo and trying to make myself look alive enough to drive down to pick up my children from school, I was making phone calls trying to get our loan company to allow us to defer for a few years. When they wouldn’t because Jeremy and I were consigned and he wasn’t sick and made just enough money, I called something called the Ombudsman’s Office in Washington D.C. set up to help people work out issues with their student loans. But they couldn’t help either.
So we went in to default. Not without many tears. And what do you think the government did to a woman with Inflammatory Breast Cancer and another aggressive tumor in the other breast the size of a softball? They added an extra $20,000.00 in fees to our bill! Yes, you read right.
I’m not asking you to sign this petition below because I think I should get out of paying my loans. But I do think it’s insanely crazy that when people are seriously ill they can’t get automatic deferment on student loans or risk fees that drown them!
I’ve known other women with breast cancer who have even had recurrence and still were forced in to default because they couldn’t pay.
A little grace…..pulllllleeeeaaaassseee!
Sign my petition to help those going through cancer NOT have to worry about student loans till they are better!
Marathon for IBC Research
April 20, 2012I’ve made a decision. One decision in the right direction. I’ve been saying for the past year I would do a marathon for my 5 year cancerversary…..and I’m quite certain I can achieve this goal now that I have run 4 half-marathons. But I needed to decide two things. I’ve made at least once of those decisions.
I’ve decided where the money should go.
Some of you might remember I was treated here in Kalamazoo, Michigan at the wonderful West Michigan Cancer Center, but I also went over to the University of Michigan every few months during treatment to concur with an oncologist over there who deals more specifically with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Over the past few years I have occasionally looked online to see what research she has been doing. I knew she traveled often to Tunisia because the rate of IBC is so high over there.
So I contacted her a few days ago to see if I could help support her research. And one thing I really wanted to know was that she would get the money for her team and it wouldn’t get swallowed in all the bureaucracy of a big university. I figure I lived through this horrible disease and I’m going to run my booty off to try to raise as much money as I can so another mother doesn’t have to die from this disease….I want to be sure I know where the money goes.
She said that U of M has allowed her to keep ALL the money she raises for her research…..and this is a significant honor because this doesn’t always happen. That’s how much they believe in her research.
So I’m very excited to have one decision made.
Now to figure out which marathon I want to run. I’m shooting for November or December. I really wanted to run near February 4th when I was diagnosed, but I think preparing for a marathon in January with my longest runs would be really hard, so then I was thinking about running the Las Vegas Rock-n-Roll on December 2…..because that would be my birthday! But the reviews are HORRIBLE! Worst reviews I’ve ever read. Do I dare run it in 2013 in the hopes they will get some of the kinks worked out?
Advice from marathoners would be good.
Here’s a link to this great research and Dr. Merajver’s team!