my husband’s chest

You don’t need to tell me how lucky I am.

I have a roof over my head, great medical care and I’m surrounded by people who love me.

And don’t think I forget how very lucky I am to be alive at all. Why did I get to go into remission? Why me? I am indeed very fortunate.

But there are times when I do feel sad that I will never put this cancer behind me. I feel the toll ongoing treatment takes on my body and my emotional well being.

So last night I stood in my kitchen, with my head on my husband’s chest (we say we were built for each other. My head lands flat on his chest and tucks under his chin). He put his arms around me and we just stood there, breathing together.

He didn’t need to say anything. He understood my frustration. Only a few hours before I was finallly feeling sharp and healthy and energized. And then, after chemo, I stood in his arms, feeling sick and more than a little shaky.

He didn’t remind me how lucky I am.

But I know it.

friend as client or client as friend

The bell rang and I just thought it was my nanny forgetting her keys again, but no. There before my eyes was a dear friend that I had not seen in months. Later that same week my girlfriend I call Roomie called and had a watershed moment. Not a moment could be found after that, about wanting to get on the first plane to the states, because I missed my room-mate so dearly.

Just when I was feeling lonely because my silly little car had a flat tire and I did not have the strength to turn a lug nut. I waited out side my door for the road service person. While the gentleman fixed my flat tire, along strolls my Irish friend with a big hug and a how are you.  I retort: Fine, what are you doing in my neck of the woods today? She said:Didn’t you remember you have physical therapy. I said yes I just don’t know who is going to show up. She and I had a good laugh, because it was her. She is officially my new physical therapist. She said there was something great about having a friend as a client or was it client as a friend. Either way it was a win win situation for both of us.

I thanked the AAA road service gentleman, and we were on our way to have a good catch up chat  during the treatment and knowing that she gets paid to visit and I have a constant time to see her weekly. It’s a perfect situation. I am so happy I could burst!

Stick to your goals!

Do not alter your ambitions to match the ambitions of others. Stick to your goals! Well that was my Horror-scope today, and as I screen through what other mom bloggers are writing about, I ponder if my blog is interesting enough or down right stale.

I hear the school children play baseball in the park below my house and I stop for more than a few moments and enjoy the sounds of cheering children, cheering for their classmates and fellow team members. Then I am really drawn in as if it is the world series, I found myself cheering.

Then it struck me…

This is my goal. Not only do I want to blog about breast cancer, but I also want to cheer for the other players- IE. researcher, docs and specialists and I want to be drawn in enough to find myself cheering for each and every individual on the field of cancer… people like  the children below in the park.

So I am taking the plunge and agreed to read the contract for Trusera. I hope to start cheering /blogging as soon as possible. For those who have be following this process, thanks for your input. I will look out for all the pitfalls that are suggested.

flying high on the good news

http://cancervisa.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/blood-levels-are-up-and-my-tumor-markers-are-down/

More good news, tumor marker only 52 point off of what is considered normal.  25 is normal, I have 77. I just wanted to share and spread the love and joy I am feeling. I can’t wait to let my family know that their diligent prayers are working!

inspired by Philly gig

I was happily inspired to see some of the gals getting lime light on what my ex use to call the Rubber Chicken circuit. Meals paid, cushy hotel room  in Philly  (love Philly folk) use of the facilities, IE sauna/ spa rooms.

I don’t know if any one else has been approached to blog for a health organization before. If so, what does it entail? I just was watching a report about housing problems in the USA and gas crunch. It was a how to survive story. Being a natural cancer survivalist I listened to the half lame advise of Augmenting my income.

Augmentation has an entirely different meaning in breast cancer. Augmented breast are way different than augmented income. So I ponder how I as  cancer patient can get a little fun money without losing my face to ad sense or the like. I am not even promoting my own star on Stand up to cancer. I don’t want to spin my wheels. But the attraction of blogging, which I love to do anyway and get paid for my input seems right up my alley. However, I know I am walking into this situation a bit blind, not knowing what to expect exactly.

Feel reminiscent of my first breast doc appointment. Unsure of what was really going on at first. Any clue?  Let me know via a comment or a private e-mail what I should be looking out for.  ie copyright, picture on promotional items, I don’t need my sweetie to be the poster child for breast cancer. That is where I draw the line, but maybe you could help me draw some other lines that you have faced that I will be shortly confronted with. ( please don’t cringe that I ended the sentence with a preposition) I might have bigger fish to fry than I am aware of.